Dear Chibi,

I’ve been feeling quite depressed lately. It’s probably due to all the pressure caused by Uni assignments and my lack of time and ability to meet those demands. I feel like an empty shell. I can’t handle it.. it’s just too much. I feel so disappointed in myself.. why am I so weak and giving up this close to the deadline..? I don’t want to, but I don’t know anymore.. I remember I was happy with my major work just a few weeks ago, but now every time I see it I get so depressed. It’s just not turning out how I wanted it to be. The more I watch it, the more unmotivated I become. I know I shouldn’t even be here typing up this blog entry. Time is just ticking and I should spend it on where it really counts. It’s hard.. I really want to talk to someone, but I know it’s just going to waste more time. I have to let it out somehow so here I am..I think my final challenge is myself. At this point I don’t think anyone can really help me.. I have to get pass myself before I can reach my project. Until I pull myself together and think positively, this will just eat me up.

Written By: VINCI TING

I looked up to the sky, and saw it so blue and bright
But I could not understand why
‘Till I heard your voice calling, out to me-

Searching far and wide over the land, journeying without an end
Seasons pass, though it means nothing, to me
Spring and summer blooms, fall leaves spin, then the harsh, cold winter winds
But even so, the winds in my heart blow stronger yet

Blindly I trudge through my dark world of snow
Away from all prying eyes
Though my soul holds all the pow’r it’ll ever need
Everyday, a piece of it dies

Then one day, I heard a voice in the wind
It called me by my name
And a light shone from the door of my heart, and there you were waiting for me

Running down the path, an endless, winding road
No one knows how it will unfold
But I’ll gladly run with you now by my side

I look up to the sky, and see it so blue and bright
Before, I could not understand why
Now I hear your voice calling, out to me-

Dear Chibi,

As I type this entry, a wacom tablet is in my hand- one which is completely worn out. You probably remember when I first bought one and it was mainly because of the animation project. As the deadline approaches in about 8 days, I feel it losing its ability to assist me in my battle. Maybe I pushed it too hard and now it just can’t keep up with me anymore… I hope it doesn’t die.. I need him to help me win this fight. I’m sorry if I was too harsh on you.. I thought I’ve been treating you with much care, but maybe I was just not sensitive enough. Sometimes we think what we’re doing is right, but end up hurting the people around us without knowing.

Sometimes I think he’s alive. He would randomly play dead and become all lively again the next day. I hope when I wake up tomorrow, he’ll forgive me and work with me again. It’s only when you feel a sense of loss, do you really appreciate it being here.

Dear Chibi,

Sometimes someone promises to do something, but then disappears for a long time and you wonder what you’re waiting for. Will this person still do it?

What is this person avoiding? Why has this person just disappeared and not told me anything? If they don’t want to do it anymore, they can just tell me.. why leave me uncertain? We can be waiting on forever… for nothing. I think it’s pretty rude to disappear without saying a word or leaving an explanation. Stop hiding and just tell me what’s going on.. it’s not like I’m going to get mad. coward. You can’t even be bothered to say anything..

JUST TELL ME SOMETHING. ANYTHING. YES or NO. I don’t want to be waiting for something that will never come.

I think it’s really rude. Even things like invites.. you ask them to reply by a certain date, yes or no- coming or not, and they don’t even reply at all. umm.. how kind. I know sometimes it’s difficult to tell someone you’re not going to do something.. but it’s just so much more frustrating when you don’t even get a response at all, not an indication.

I wouldn’t even be as frustrated if you replied with a ‘sorry, cant do it/won’t go’ than hiding for days and not replying to any messages left for them. This has happened to me so many times, and it just reminds me why I don’t like to rely on others.

Dear Chibi,

As I type this.. I am suffering from a fever ..again x.x nuuuuuuuu….hope it goes away soon………………………………………

and guess what…something else reoccurred.. another of my psd files is GONE O.O!

AGAIN!

I tried to look for backup, but my latest one didn’t even contain it (maybe at that pt it already disappeared..) and the backup before that is too outdated, gah.

Maybe I should start praying, lol. These are all bad signs I tell you. Less than 2 weeks left… *sigh*

Dear Chibi,

Long time no blog, but Chibi is still alive (though barely). I’m feeling quite dead due to lack of sleep because of the project and *coughmothscough* but I’ll just have to keep pushing through. My last blog entry made on the 5th October (10 days ago) still applies to me today- not quite sure how I’m gonna make it, but I’ll try. I hope things start to look brighter for me but it hasn’t yet. The next two weeks will be..interesting.. I wonder if Chibi can get to the end happily..really, I’m curious. I hope I have the outcome I’m aiming for.

Dear Chibi,

I’ve almost never become so worried in my life. I’m at the point where.. I really don’t think I can make it anymore. I don’t want to cut it any shorter than it is, and there is already lacking “animations” in this animation.. if I cut anymore off, it’ll just be a bunch of tweening still images. I’ve been trying to think of ways to get around things, but it’s not looking so bright at the moment. I really wish I had more time. This is really not something I want to rush just to make it in the deadline, and not be happy with..yet I can’t hand in something incomplete. What should I do? I know quality of quantity.. but what does this phrase mean for my work? You can’t really have quality without quantity. I don’t think cutting my animation shorter would help that much…considering the only things that would be cut off would be the still images, not the actual animations… There’s always the option of finding someone to help me with the project, but my biggest concern at the moment is the actual animation (drawing)/inking and the colouring.. the colouring takes as long as the drawings themselves.. and then, the drawing and colouring is likely the thing I need to complete myself… I have a separate psd file for every frame.

I need advice from some wise people.. I’ve already been working on this project as consistently as possible all year… was this project really that unrealistic for one person to tackle?

Will Jen make it to the end…happily?

Dear Chibi,

The top of the list…. Insects and bugs!!!!!!!!!!! FAR OUT. Someone buy me a can of mortein or something- pleeeease. I’m sick of moths and cockroaches, and it’s only the second month of spring! >_< . They scare me like CRAZY.. probably top of my fear list too... makes me completely paranoid and weak, losing my concentration on everything. I can't even sleep when I know there's something in the room, let alone try to stay up and work on my assignments >__< Come back winter!! I miss you already! Makes me wanna go overseas again during Summer so I can avoid the insects >.< There was a huge black moth flying around my little room not so long ago..and after running away calling for help, and coming back..it vanished.. Now I don't know whether I should leave my bedroom door open so it flies out (if it's still in here)... or close it hoping it's not inside and won't come back in >___< What should I do?? I wish I didn’t see it at all..